I broke.

I am broken.

It wasn’t easy being away in London while the world at home was upside down, but my dear cast mates and my dressing team surrounded me, and helped me through a few shows that would prove difficult…but cathartic!

I’m not sure how to handle it all; I really don’t understand why God allows certain things to happen. Why does a woman filled with life, collapse and die? Die…leaving four precious babies without a mommy, and a husband without his soul mate and heartbeat? Trust me, I have questions, but she would tell me that it was part of God’s plan.  She would say that even in my confusion, I should trust Him and not myself or the unbelievable circumstance.

So, now, I’m on the plane heading back to London after the 48-hour weekend whirlwind.  We have to restart life…and without her here.  Over the past weekend, I had some beautiful moments, and yet some incredibly sad ones. I couldn’t imagine that I’d see my sweet friend laying in a casket…with her precious babies running in and out of the room to comfort their amazing daddy, and sneak another peek at their beautiful mommy. The sadness was indescribable. It IS indescribable.  But I had to smile as I watched as hundreds of people wait in line for hours at the visitation and service, all for a chance to join in the chorus of the song we were all singing: “She was an incredible woman. She loved God. She changed my life. She prayed for me. She loved her family. She served her community.” I’m not sure she even knew how many lives she touched.  Yep! That’s my girl, and I am so proud of her!

Somehow, we’ll all get through the coming months and years, and at some point we’ll all cry a little less.  She taught us so much…and in death, she’s teaching me even more. She stamped her household, her friends and her community with the love of God. I’m spurred on to do the same. I am so blessed that I was loved by her. I am honored that she called me a friend. I could not have asked for a better “Elizabeth.”

Sing with the angels sweet girl; I know you are singing so loudly in that choir:-).

We are going to miss you terribly. I already do…but we will all be better because of you.

…And don’t worry – - we’ll look after them.

We thank God for you.

I love you.

Your Mary,

Heather

I did laugh to myself as I left the shop. Whether Her Royal Highness has even tasted the chocolate – - who knows – - but her “endorsement” got money out of me…quickly! The seal of approval was all I needed.

It got me thinking….

• God, The KING Himself, has a seal over my head and will gladly tell the world that I am His
• He thinks I’m His little girl (even when I don’t behave like I am)
• The King loves me (even when I don’t deserve it)

So, why isn’t that good enough for me at times? Why can’t I always leave the Shop of Life, with its box of chocolates, and think…it is well and I’m okay; HE loves me and thinks I’m great, so all is well?

Why can’t I extend that same gift to others at times?

He says we’re His! We belong to a King. And He endorsed, and continues to show His love for us with much more…a whole lot more than a quick “taste” and a letter.

So, we’re good enough, we’re beautiful (we’re definitely eons better than the world’s best chocolate:-)), we’re loved, we’re HIS!

And I’m going to treat myself…and you as such;-).

Anyhow, a few months ago, I found myself adopting the slogan in my own life.

“Put Your Mask On First, Heather!”

So many times I’m dealing with everything around me, and finally look up to find myself gasping for air.  For instance, as a mom (or anyone else) you wake up in the morning, and before you have a chance to eat, someone is screaming for you to feed them, wipe their nose, iron a shirt, find keys….  You race to get everyone out the door, and then, you remember the errands, the email, the cleaning…and who’s knocking at the door?! Before you know it, afternoon arrives and the house is once again filled with hungry, you-need-to-entertain-me kids, and you’re trying to make or find something appetizing because a hungry, also-over-worked man is on his way. By night time, you look in the mirror and figure out that you’ve hardly eaten, and if you really think about it, haven’t had a moment to even use the bathroom…. and then your husband looks at you in that loving, wink-wink-hello-honey way. AHHHHHH!

Well, it’s in these situations that I think sometimes I have to put my mask on first! Stop! Eat first, bathe first, wipe my nose first, pray first…. Sometimes, the only way we can be of use to our families and others is if we’re inhaling oxygen ourselves. We can’t be good husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, friends and co-workers if we’ve been putting masks on everyone else, and suffocating ourselves. Now don’t get me wrong: there are countless days when I need to “mask” someone else before myself. Life is about serving and sacrifice, but I can’t ‘serve or sacrifice’ efficiently unless I’m strong enough to do so.  I also have to be nourished physically, spiritually, emotionally…. We can’t neglect ourselves under the guise of “unselfishness,” but rather we have to take time to care for ourselves, so that we can then be more ‘selfless.’

So, if you feel run down, and you feel like you’re running out of air… in case of emergency, take a minute and put your mask on first… like me, you just might find that you’re better equipped and able to serve and help everyone else on your row.

They’ll survive!

You Inhale…. That’s it!

Last Sunday, our family walked through the door: my dear husband, my mom, my in-loves, and some family friends;  I was so excited to see them. All of a sudden, it felt as though Chicago just wasn’t that fa

r away.

I went out for dinner with the family and had a few crustaceans (which obviously should have stayed in the ocean, or wherever they came from). Within a few hours, I wasn’t feeling all that great and combined with the anxiety and nerves of opening week, I was a bit of a mess. For the two days leading up to opening night, and on the night itself, I couldn’t eat much.My stomach wouldn’t settle and there was little my doctor could do to help me. The worse part is that playing Rachel Marron is quite a carb workout, and doing it on an empty (or even half an empty stomach) is not ideal. But God is good. He gave me my daily bread and enough strength. He was…and is so near, and He got me through.

The Commander also had a wonderful opening day. I was so nervous for him. I thought my stomach would betray me, but I started crying instead! I couldn’t believe that he was sitting on that stage doing all the movements and singing at the top of his little lungs. I remember watching him and feeling such pride and love for him.  There I was sitting in that audience watching our little boy sing his heart out, and knowing this was the first of many times that I’d have to sit in the audience or the stands and watch HIM! ….And people! He is so cute to watch. Trust me! You can’t find cuter!

We had a great opening night party, and it was so great to celebrate with my family, my cast, creative team and crew. What a ride this has been…for all of us! I’m so proud of everyone. These people have worked so hard to make this show great, and they’ve also held me in their hands as they did. They’ve cared for me and have been there for my family and me; I’m so appreciative. I think I underestimated how much it would all affect me. It’s been a while since I’ve had an “opening night” so the butterflies in my stomach were joined by eagles…and an ostrich! But I’m so grateful. So blessed. God is gracious, and I’m so humbled that He thinks me ready and right for a moment as this.
And while I’m here, indulge me for a moment: I have to thank my husband, Brian for his continued love and belief in me. It was Brian who said, ‘You have to go to London and do this show.’ It’s Brian who has sacrificed and given up time with his son and me so that this can become a reality. He’s the one who commutes back and forth and walks into an empty, quiet house back in the States. It’s because of him that I have the courage to walk on that stage and claim that I’m the Queen of any part of the day. It’s because of him that I look in the mirror and feel beautiful and incredibly loved. He’s all the man I’ll ever need, and I thank God for him!
If you have a chance to come to London, come by and see the show.

Exhale….
Open The Bodyguard: Check. Watch the Commander’s first performance: Check! Stomach back to normal: check!
Now, I get to enjoy London…at least I hope I’ll have time to.

We were entrusted into the care of the sweetest couple, who were kind enough to take time out of their Sunday to show us around the island.  We went into museums, stood at the edge of cliffs, visited the monastery, walked into the most beautiful little church, and got access to a room with the most spectacular paintings. With all the turns and curves of the cliffs, there came a point while we were driving when I wasn’t sure that lunch was going to stay with me, but it did!  We’re all thankful for that:)!
At the end of it, Aldo (my sweet tour guide) took me to a little store called Fiore, where they not only sell beautiful “capri sandals,” they also make them. So, the cobbler sat there, and made a pair of sandals for me…monogrammed and all! I’ll always have a story when I wear them.
So, there was my adventure for the weekend. A little time in glorious Capri, with my darling husband (he keeps getting hotter, by the way…:-)), meeting some sweet people, eating way too much delicious pasta and pizza, and standing in awe of creation….
How small am I when I stand in the center of it and I look around me.
How humbled and blessed I am to have these moments!

Heather

I have to say thank you…THANK YOU to all of you who picked up the album during the first two weeks. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I really wanted to do this album for YOU…so much so, we (my husband and I) funded it ourselves. We did it independently…without the umbrella of a record company, and did it just for you. There’s no huge publicity department working on it; I’m in London working on the show, and there’s only so much I can do from this side of the pond.  So, everything that happens with the record, every album that gets into someone else’s hands,  is going to be because of YOU! And I’m so grateful for those of you who have shown us your support, and sent your encouraging words. Please continue to spread the word and tell all you can. If each of you shares, tweets, emails or tells a friend (or ten J) about it, we’ll get the word out there. For those of you who haven’t picked it up yet… I hope you will. I think you’ll enjoy it. I really need your help with this one…so thank you in advance! Won’t it be fun to show the world who really has the power in the record business…THE CONSUMER – - YOU J!!!

Anyhow, thanks again, and I look forward to all we’ll do here. We have so much planned for you and I’m excited to share what’s going on with you all.
Until the next time….
God bless.
Heather

Thank you for making our first day out there quite exciting!

…I was working on the CD when I was offered The Bodyguard. As I was plotting out what the next year would look like,I remember thinking that the “right” thing to do would be to put everything on hold, and release the CD when I was finished with the show and back in the US.  That would be the easiest, and most normal and conventional way to do it…

Enter My Husband!  After listening to some of the songs in his car (I don’t know how he gets and keeps them all, but he always has a bootleg of every song and demo I do), he called me and said; “I don’t think you should make people wait for two years without any music from you.” “Furthermore,” he said, “I think these songs are good, you should share!” So, after quite a bit of discussion with my amazing team, we decided to do this the unconventional, un-normal, un-easy way…just for YOU!
I knew the challenges would be stacked high: I’m working on The Bodyguard in a different country, and I can’t be there to do the ‘legwork’ baby albums like this need.  But, I really wanted to do this for you all…and I thought that if Mama can’t be around, there aren’t better hands to leave this ‘baby’ in, than the hands of its godmothers and godfathers: YOU!

So, thank you for getting the word out there…thanks for supporting it, and thanks for telling the world about it. PLEASE KEEP DOING SO! I’d love to show the world, that with the right “godparents,” the right team, the right music, and a BIG God – - all things are possible…even promoting an album from a far away land;).
Your love and support are appreciated – - from the depths of my heart.
Heather Headley…

The Only One In The World!