The insights, conversations and behind-the-scene news of Heather Headley.

Archive for May, 2011

Defying Gravity?

posted on: Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

So, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been having some issues flying lately. It seems like I can’t get on a plane without turbulence. Personally, I think there’s something wrong with the air up there. Anyhow, I think “my issue” has been much worse since I had our son. I can’t take it! Last night I’m happily sitting in my seat thinking, ‘I may just get through this flight without losing my mind,’ when the pilot comes on and says the words that send me into practicing my Lamaze exercises again: bumps, turbulence, sit down, flight attendants sit down, at least 30 minutes. What?

I was doing well with my flying until I got on a plane to Manchester, England a few months ago and had the WORST flight EVER! There was so much turbulence, a flight attendant hurt herself and had to go to the hospital. The plane was dropping and rumbling and moving side to side – – I was so freaked out, I grabbed and held on to the poor man next to me. I found out later his name was Jim. “Hi Jim.” I offered to write his wife a note to tell her that I bruised his arm, so she didn’t have any wrong ideas.

It’s my problem, I know. Psychiatrists would say I have control issues and I need to let go and breathe. But I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe when the plane is moonwalking all over the sky. I can’t read, I can’t sleep, and I have delusional, but oh-so-right-at-the-time thoughts that if given the chance, I could do a much better job flying the plane than the guy up there.

Flying is part of my work life. I would rather not drive to California from Chicago, so I have to fly. But I have to be better. I have to exhale and trust God that even through the bumps, all will be well. I must admit that I did have a Eureka moment last night, however. I was begging and praying that the turbulence would end. And then, in the midst of it, I heard myself change the prayer. I started asking that I’d be able to handle the turbulence. This may be the lesson for me. Up in the air, and down on the ground of my life, I have so much turbulence and choppiness at times that can’t be avoided. I just have to go through it. And sometimes it takes longer than I would like. But I need to learn to ride it out, KNOW that I’m in the GREATEST hands and submit to being peaceful in the storm. I have to believe that I can defy gravity, defy logic, defy my brain, and HANDLE THE STORM.

Better Kid, Better Me!

posted on: Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

So… I’m sitting here on my bed exasperated. For the past 30+ minutes, I’ve (unsuccessfully) tried to put our son down for his nap. I just walked out of his room, and he’s now throwing the biggest fit… ever. I find myself a little annoyed with everything around me, including God. The child did not sleep last night and screamed for almost an hour (I’m still not sure the “Cry-It-Out” Method works), before we surrendered and committed the ultimate parent sin (so they tell me) of letting him sleep with us – – again.

He’s drunk with sleep. He couldn’t keep his head up while I was in his room with him, but he will not submit. He hates sleep. So I ask: Is there no reprieve? I know God is busy with many more important things, but can’t He make a little boy GO TO SLEEP for his exhausted mother?

I think this is the hardest part of parenting: the lack of sleep. I found myself walking around the house praying out loud to God, asking Him to grant mercy and let the child go to sleep. But before I continue, however, I should make a confession: mine is a selfish prayer. They say the more a baby sleeps, the more he sleeps and the better the child is. And I want that for our son. But there’s also another saying (created by ME): the more a baby sleeps, the more his mother can sleep and the better she will be!

Wait! Could it be? Silence!? I think we did it. He’s out. Oh! I hope he still loves me when he wakes up. I hope God’s not too aggravated with me being a little aggravated with Him. I should end this. I’m hoping I have at least two hours to make myself a better person.